Since my childhood I was fascinated by nature, the universe and the world around me. How everything is perfect. As long as plants and animals are in their natural environment, everything works according to natural laws. The human body is perfect too. But man has become possessive wanting to own forests, water and animals, and began to interfere with the natural course. He began to behave like that to other people and even to himself. My childhood was very difficult for me. I was a sensitive girl who felt a lot of things and did not know what to do about them. I was ashamed to talk about my feelings, about what I’m experiencing and what I’m thinking about. I felt useless, ugly, stupid and non-confident. I almost did not speak because I was afraid I’d say something wrong. Adults showed me that it was normal to feel like that, they said they feel so too. I still did not want to accept it. I had friends and a loving mother, but I sometimes felt very much alone. I will never forget my grandfather who supported me in drawing, a Russian grandmother who told me about herbs and our roots. The vegetables I picked in the garden and tasted like it should taste. Such memories are essential to me.
I was reading books that helped me to move forward in understanding the world and the people, yet I was very confused. Eventually I started to meet people who understood me. I did not mind sharing my thoughts and feelings with them. I found out that I was not alone. Everyone experiences something. I’ve been through a lot of stress at work, drinking a lot of alcohol, working on four projects at a time and collapsing several times by exhaustion, and that is how I finally understood my own worth. I stopped drinking alcohol (unconsciously), stopped eating things that did not do me well and started to breathe a lot and pay attention not only to my body but also to how I feel. I started to say only the truth. I do not think anything wrong in my mind, because every wrong and bad idea is settling in us and if we feed it, it gets deeper and then it’s not easy to get it out. I have improved my relationships. Family is so important, not just the one connected by blood. Remembering my roots, my family, or just telling my mom and my friends, that I love them is a great relief for me and it fills me with joy.
My anxieties and the inner voice that was always bringing me down went away. They were not put there by my parents or all the people I’ve met in my life and blamed them for my bad feelings. They were inside me all the time, and these people just showed me that. Everyone is doing their best in every situation, sometimes he can not do much, but I still thank those who showed me bad or good inside me. I have decided to always do the best I could. I’m here now, I look after myself and I’m fine. There are amazing people around me, and thanks to them I can keep on moving. I wanted to share this story with you because I’m constantly finding out that most people around me have anxieties and do not feel good or have bad relationships. That is why I would like to show you that you are the only one in your life who creates obstacles. Everything is allready perfect, so let it flow and relax. Look after your family and the world around you, and the love will come back to you.
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